You could have a boatload of people who LOVE you and your work and compliment you day after day, and then that ONE haters comment. Boom. Knocks you off your game. And you forget about all the love. You become all consumed in how to convince the haters that you ARE good at what you do, ARE excellent, ARE “worthy”.
It can bother you less and less, you can react to it less and less, you can see it for what it truly IS, but it will never 100% go away. What is MORE important to focus on, the gold opportunity hidden in the trigger is this: *what* approval we are seeking and from *whom*. THIS is the key to our freedom. This is the key to being able to go back to focusing on your lovers and not the haters.
I recently had an experience of a “haters” comment on social media (frankly I am not convinced it was that, but other people seemed to think so). The backlash against this haters comment was astounding. People showed up fiercely in their support and love for me. I chose to focus on the lovers. But I didn’t ignore the haters.
Here is what I do, what I teach my clients to do, and what you can do!
THEN and only THEN ask:
Why does the comment bother me?
2) What about this person makes me bothered by the comment? (Would I be bothered less if it was someone different?)
3) What am I making it mean about me? My worth? My future opportunities?
4) Is that true?
5) Look for evidence that the meaning you have made may not be true. You don’t need to convince yourself (in fact, please don’t), but just give yourself some wiggle room.
Often if the person commenting represents “security” to us, it is more bothersome than someone who doesn’t. There is gold in asking these questions and this is just the beginning. Once you have the awareness, you can transcend the trigger. Which is not intellectual but experiential. If you want an experience of this, listen to the full training here.