When I was 15 years old, I wanted it all – I thought I wanted to be a Broadway star, have a loving family, friends, money, a normal, but fabulous life of love and creativity and performing. And all my dreams (I truly thought at the time) came crashing down as I realized I might be gay. As these feelings started to surface, I was confused, isolated, devastated, and really lonely. I thought I had no one to talk to, I wavered between denial, shame, and tentative acceptance. I learned to journal my heart out those years. I learned an independence I hadn’t learned before. I learned, slowly, how to accept myself. How to accept this part of myself that was unacceptable to share. That I thought would result in being an outcast. But the irony is that by staying the closet I was making myself outcast.
When is a time in your life that you have hidden a part of yourself because you thought that it was unacceptable to share?
That you would be outcast if you shared it? Or it is just too risky? That self-absorbed part of you? The silly, playful part? The wild side?
I want you to know that writing and sharing this post is not easy for me, still to this day. Nearly 15 years later. Coming out, being out, knowing that everyone knows, pushes the edges of my comfort zone. It pushes a lot of buttons inside of me. It requires me to massage my conditioning. It feels like I am swimming through molasses. But at this point in my life, I want to be out more than I fear it. I have practiced enough that I am willing to be with the uncomfortable emotions that come up because of it. I can see the stories and know they aren’t true.
Even though this has been one of the hardest journey’s of my life, the most uncomfortable – it has taught me the skills and tools to come out in other areas of my life. To express other gifts, talents, strengths and personality traits that I thought might be shunned, make me an outcast. That my conditioning and stories told me it was safer to not even try. Coming out as a life coach, coming out as a silly vlogger, coming out as a speaker, as an author and a writer, and I am sure there is more to come. It has taught me to give myself permission to be who I am. And how to continue to step outside my comfort zone to do that. To step into all of the parts of myself. And in stepping into all of the parts of myself I feel MORE connected, more in love, more in creativity and flow and joy. Coming out is the most freeing, and perhaps terrifying journey there is. But it is the most rewarding.
So now it is your turn. Where in your life is it time for you to come out?
If you want support coming out – as gay, or in your career, relationships, money or love – please apply for a complimentary breakthrough consultation today.